Lost and Found
by deathtodiscotexasliberalweirdo
Summary: Sirius's story-one of lost love, abandonment, and overcoming obstacles. Follows him from seventh year until his arrest after Lily and James's death. SB/MM, please R&R!
1. Heeding the Battle Call

Prologue: Summer before fifth year, number 12, Grimmauld Place.

Sirius sat staring at the ceiling, tossing a muggle ball from hand to hand. He hated this room. The overzealous grandeur of it all sickened him. From the velvet drapes to the scratchy plum comforter on the bed, it made him uncomfortable. He hated just being in this house, being surrounded by all this slytherin and pureblood mania. Nobody loved him here. Nobody cared about him here. These people were his family, why couldn't they love him? Was it because they couldn't? Or because they wouldn't.

Future time: two years after graduated

Sirius looked down at her, her limbs splayed out across the cold black and white marble. Her black hair had come out of its usual plait, and was in frenzied disarray. Her brown eyes were still open and had an expression of terror in them. She was cold. Limp...dead. He dropped to his knees beside her, and brushed his lips over her eyelids.

"I love you, Marlene," he whispered, pressing his head to her heart, tears breaking through. The one person. The one single, solitary person who had loved him, who would die for him, who would do anything for him, was gone. It just wasn't fair.

He clutched her clammy hands in his and sobbed, pressing them to his cheeks.

"How could you do this? How could you leave me alone? I can't live without you!" he screamed into the open night air, the sound echoing. But it was no use. She couldn't hear him. he would never feel her caress his cheek again, he would never feel her lips upon his again...he brushed her slightly bulging stomach with his hand, he would never see his daughter. But it wasn't a waste. He had learned to love, learned that he could be loved. Marlene...Marlene...he thought, but as he sat, staring at her unresponsive face, he knew that nothing could hurt this much, and what the use was to love when it caused you so much pain.

--

Present time: Potter Manor, summer before seventh year.

"And Sirius Black scores as he lobs the quaffle through the ellusive hoop, with time to spare! An amazing shot!" Sirius zoomed around the expansive green yard, a grin on his face.

James laughed from the other side of the makeshift quidditch pitch, "All right padfoot, you got past me, so what? It was a lucky shot!"

Sirius gasped, and shot towards James like a bullet, "Take that back, Prongs! It was excellent, and you know it!"

James, who had to roll over in the air to avoid him, rolled his eyes, "Yes, yes. All hail the great Sirius Black!" he grabbed the quaffle from Sirius and threw it at his head, "Maybe you should be chaser instead of me, Padfoot!" he called as the quaffle collided with his head, with a _thunk, _"You obviously can't be beater anymore, as you can even dodge a quaffle!"

Sirius massaged his head, "That wasn't cool, Prongs!"

James flew over to the other side of the yard, laughing, "Then why don't you come teach me a lesson, huh, Paddy?"

"I will!" Sirius dropped the quaffle, and as it plummeted to the ground, took off after James, his wand out.

"Boys!" Jane Potter came out of the house to see her son, and her ward hexing each other in the air, "Come down here at once!"

The two of the landed and walked towards her, and stood shamefacedly before her, James covered in mini tentacles, and Sirius legs in a frenzied tap dance.

"Aren't you supposed to be packing?" asked Mrs. Potter, her eyes narrowed.

"Yes, mum." James walked into the house, followed by Sirius who murmured, "Yes, Mrs. potter."

They walked through the manor, until they got up to their rooms.

Sirius sighed as he looked at the mess spread out around his room. He lifted his wand, and swept it around the room, and everything flew up and fell into a jumples mess inside his trunk.

Grinning he went over to James's room, "Done packing. You?"

James was sitting with his back towards him, silent as a tomb.

Sirius frowned, "James? Are those tentacles not coming off? Don't be mad, mate!"

James shook his head, "Nah."

Sirius's frown deepened. He went over to look at James's face. He was hunched over, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at a picture that depicted a young red-haired teenage girl with striking green eyes, smiling up at the camera.

Sirius sighed. Of course. He sat down next to James on the bed, "James?"

"Yeah?" asked James, absentmindedly.

"Where'd you get that picture of Lily?"

"Mmm," he closed his eyes, "Peter...peter took...told him to..."

Sirius laughed, "Stalker much?"

James suddenly seemed to realize that Sirius was sitting next to him, he looked up at him, his eyes shining, "Look at her, padfoot! Isn't she beautiful?"

Sirius wrinkled his nose at James, "You're a moron."

James didn't answer, but just continued to stare forlornly at the picture, so Sirius walked out of the room, rolling his eyes. He closed the door to James's room, and leaned against it, shaking his head. James was his best friend, but Sirius would never understand his endless obsession with Lily. He had never felt like that about anyone. Love. It was a funny word. It didn't really mean much to Sirius. He had been with lots of girls, but he had never felt about any one of them the way James seemed to feel about Lily. Maybe because he had never experienced love. Sirius shook his head. That was just crazy talk. Of course he could love. Or could he?

--

James and Sirius made their way through the crowded platform, laden down with heavy trunks and owls.

"Potter!" The two of them turned to see Lily Evans looking annoyed. It seemed James had just rammed into her.

He grinned, "Hey, Evans. Sorry 'bout that, it was wrong of me."

Lily raised an eyebrow, and waited, her foot tapping. When nothing came, she looked up at him in surprise, "What? You're not gonna say something like-" she deepened her voice in a crude impression of James, "Oh, Evans, let me make it up to you by going on a date with you...?"

James frowned, "Nah, Lils, that's kid stuff. I'm over trying to annoy you."

An expression of shock crossed Lily's face, and James, grinning, tugged Sirius along, to get on the train.

"Remus!" Sirius ran over and hugged the tall, scrawny, sandy-haired boy.

Butterflies errupted in Remus's stomach, and he looked up at Sirius, his eyes searching, "Hey, Padfoot." But Sirius had already been distracted by two particularly well-figured hufflepuff sixth years crossing their path.

Remus sighed and looked over at James, "How was your summer, Prongs?"

James shrugged, "Can't complain. Padfoot nearly drove me insane with his insisting he's better at quidditch than I am."

Remus laughed, "I'd expect that. Come on, let's get on the train and look for Wormy."

They boarded the train, and Sirius followed them, having secured one of the girls' names.

James turned to leave, but the rest of them stopped him.

"Where're you going, Prongs?" asked Peter, a frown upon his face.

James shrugged, "I have to go to the Head's compartment," he paused, and adorned an expression equivalent to that of being hit by the ray of purest sunlight, "And see Lily."

He left and the three remaining boys went to find an empty compartment.

"In here!" called Remus to Sirius and Peter.

Sirius walked over and saw if it was empty, "Oh, no, no, no!" He said, shaking his head firmly.

Remus sighed, "Come on. I'm sure Jones doesn't recall a single thing you did to her last year."

Sirius grimaced, "I am **not** sitting with her."

Peter came up the corridor looking confused, "With who?"

"Hestia" Sirius whispered, a terrified expression on his face.

"Ah." Peter understood now, "Oh come on, there's nowhere else to sit. You can talk to Marlene."

Sirius sighed and allowed himself to be shunted into the compartment by his friends which contained Hestia Jones and Marlene Mckinnon.

Hestia looked up, but Marlene was consumed in writing a letter.

Hestia smiled when she saw them, "Hello Remus, Peter-" her face turned to a scowl, "Black."

Sirius grimaced, "Hello Jones, Marlene."

They sat down and Sirius looked over with interest at Marlene, "Who are you writing the novel to, Marlene?"

Her head jerked up when she heard her name and her long black braid swung up and hit Remus in the face, "oh Remus, I'm so sorry...my boyfriend in London."

Peter looked over at her scrutinnizingly, "Is he a muggle?"

Sirius frowned at Peter, "You say it likes it's a bad thing."

Peter sighed, "That's not what I meant at all. I was just wondering, if he's a wizard, why he isn't coming on the train with us."

Marlene smiled, "He's not a muggle. Sturgis graduated already, he's an auror."

Sirius squirmed and looked out the window, "Older man, huh?"

She laughed, "Only by three years. And he behaves like such a little kid that the age difference doesn't really show."

Hestia looked over at Sirius with narrowed eyes, "Why do you care so much, Black?"

Sirius sighed, "I don't, Jones, just making conversation and being polite, something you seem to not be capable of."

Hestia snarled at him, "You have no business telling me what to do after what you did to me last year."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Are you ever going to forgive me?"

"No." she said, opening a magazine and ignoring him.

"So," said Remus trying to distract them, "Can you think of the fun Lily and James must be having right now all holed up in the Head's compartment?"

Marlene laughed, "We'll be lucky if they don't murder each other."

Sirius got a faraway look in his eyes, "Can you imagine them ever being friends?"

Hestia laughed out loud at that, "Never."

Peter smiled, "Who knows? Maybe they are getting along. James's a lot more mature this year. Anything could happen."

--

--

**a/n: hope you like it so far! To those of you who have read my other fanfic, Because of Course, I promise it won't be too much like that. Please R&R, and look out for new updates, I might put more on this chapter, or I might make a new chapter.**


	2. Take My Hand

"And Potter streaks down the pitch, quaffle in hand, dodges two bludgers, circles around all three slytherin chasers aaaaand, yes, amazing, he scores!" A cheer emitted from the crowd as James lobbed the quaffle through the hoop, the slytherin keeper Yaxley looking in the opposite direction.

Sirius flew over to James and gave him a high five, "Nice work, mate! We're flattening them!"

James grinned, "That cup is ours."

"And Jones zooms down the field, passes quaffle to Prewett, Prewett to Potter, Potter scores again!" Remus interrupted his own commentary to give a cheer, "Dolohov steals the quaffle from Prewett, Dolohov passes to Avery, Avery to Nott, Nott to Dolohov, ah, no, Dolohov scores!" A groan came up from the gryffindor end but the mass of green and silver was in uproar.

"Jones to Potter, Potter to Prewett, Prewett to Jones, Jones scores, and, I don't believe it, Vance finds the snitch just as Jones scores! GRYFFINDOR WINS!" The gryffindors flooded onto the field, and Sirius went over to shake Yaxley's hand, then to hug all of his teammates.

Sirius walked with James and Gideon Prewett into the dressing room, laughing.

"We absolutely killed them!" exclaimed Gideon, his face shining with the excitement of victory.

James nodded, "It was awesome."

Sirius smiled, as they came up to a girl with short cropped red hair, her back turned to them, "All thanks to Jones."

Hestia turned around, her eyes flashing, "Don't even try it, Black. I will never forgive you!"

She stalked off, and Sirius, grinning, called after her, "It's Captain Black to you, Jones!"

James shook his head at Sirius, laughing, "You're never going to win her over, mate."

Sirius sighed, and pulled his robes over his head, "It's not like I want to be her best friend or anything, but you'd think that after an entire year, she'd show me one ounce of decency."

Gideon scrutinized him interestedly, "What'd you do, Sirius?"

Sirius sighed, "Nothing doing, Prewett. It's secretive information."

Gideon rolled his eyes, "Whatever, Sirius," he backed out of the dressing room, pointing his finger warningly at Sirius, "I will find out, Black."

Sirius turned to stare at James, "That bloke is completely barking!"

James grinned, "Well I'd be curious too if you had some juicy secret you weren't telling me!"

Sirius shouldered his broom and they started to walk out of the dressing rooms, "Prongs, did you just seriously say the words 'juicy secret'?"

James rolled his eyes, "Maybe. You know it's not like you to care this much about a girl who you don't plan on getting."

Sirius pushed James playfully, "Ah, I don't know, mate. I certainly don't like Jones like that. Not anymore, at least, but she does something to me, you know. I really want her to not hate me."

James shrugged, "Maybe it's not her. Maybe you're just feeling something like...remorse?" Sirius frowned and James continued, "Could it be possible, Padfoot, that you're...sorry?!"

"No!" exclaimed Sirius indignantly, "I don't feel sorry for anybody...especially not annoying girls like Jones."

--

Marlene sat alone in the dormitory, staring at her hands. They were working hands. Two nails were chipped, and they were covered in calluses. She sighed and rolled over on her bed so she laid flat on her stomach, her face in a pillow. Whyever would Sirius want a girl who hand hands like these? Marlene looked up as Lily and Hestia came in, laughing and talking. She stared at their hands. Lily's were long and elegant with clean nails and pretty tendons making them look delicate. Hestia's were shorter, but small and petite, with bright red nails and not a callus to be found.

Lily sat down on the edge of Marlene's bed, "Something wrong, Mara?"

Marlene plastered on a smile, "Oh, nothing. Just...tired, I guess."

Hestia frowned at her, "You seem deep in contemplation, Mara. What are you thinking about?"

Marlene sighed and sat upright, staring at her two best friends, "I was...um, actually thinking about...about Sirius."

"Black?" asked Hestia in surprise, "Whyever would you be thinking about **Black**?"

Marlene shook her head and turned away, "Never mind, girls, it doesn't matter." as much as she loved them, Hestia hated Sirius, and Lily didn't care for him much either. They would never understand what she felt for him.

Lily gasped, "Mara! Do you...Do you **like** Sirius?"

Marlene buried her head in her hands, "You make it sound so juvenile, Lils!"

Hestia jumped up in anger, "How could you like that two-timing, conniving, rude, jerk?"

Marlene's mouth dropped open, "He's not a **jerk**! He's wonderful, and I really really like him! I might...I might even love him."

Hestia rolled her eyes, "Mara, you don't know what he did to me last year, do you?"

Marlene shook her head, her eyes wide. Hestia had never told anybody this.

"Well come here." Hestia motioned for her to come over, so she did, and, Hestia, cupping her hand around Marlene's ear, told her.

--

Sirius stood leaning against the castle's outer wall watching the distant figures of three girls talking on the grass by the lake. Marlene was easily recognizable by her long, swinging braid, like a rope of shining black threads. Lily's flaming red hair stood out against the two black-haired girls. Hestia was leaning against the tree, not talking much, but wearing an extremely brooding expression, quite like the one on Sirius's visage.

Sirius sighed. Last year had been great. Girl after girl after girl. They had all wanted him. But after Hestia...no girl would look at him. Not that they actually knew what he did, but Hestia was generally known as a nice and happy person, so they knew that if she was holding a grudge against Sirius, he had to have done something pretty terrible. He didn't really regret losing his old lifestyle though. Now he had more important things. He was much closer to his friends, he could pay more attention to his schoolwork, so therefore his grades were up, and gryffindor **had** won the cup. It was just...he missed that feeling of having **someone** to be there for him. His friends were great, but they couldn't replace the love of a woman. Not that any of the girls last year had really **loved** him.

He had gotten so close to love with Hestia. Then he had to go and blow it. Now he was alone, and he would never have a chance like that again. Not that he really wanted Hestia after all. She had decieved him as well. She wasn't the sweet person he thought her to be. When he was with her she was jealous and protective, but he still loved having her, having her **caring** about him and caring that he didn't look interestedly at other girls. He liked that feeling of being wanted. It seemed he would never get that again.

--

past time: sixth year, christmas break at hogwarts

Sirius walked towards the lake. He saw the silhouette of a small, petite girl with cropped black hair sitting cross-legged, as if waiting for something. Sirius adorned a cocky grin. She was waiting for him.

He walked over to her, kissing the top of her head, "Hey, love, the man of your dreams is here."

Hestia rolled her eyes as she pulled Sirius down to sit next to her, "Don't be too sure of yourself, dear."

Sirius grinned and gave her a soft, lingering kiss on her mouth, "Come on, you know you're lucky to have me."

"On the contrary, love," Hestia said, raising an eyebrow at her arrogant boyfriend, "You're quite lucky to have me."

Sirius laughed, and pulled her into his embrace. They fell back onto the grass, Hestia snuggled comfortably in his arms.

"You know," started Sirius after a pause of silence, "You really are lucky to have me. Did you know there's actually a queue for me once you and I break up?"

Hestia let out a snarl, "Yes, I actually am aware of that. And we're not going to break up." she shifted her head so she looked into Sirius's eyes, "Right?"

Sirius smiled and kissed her forehead, "Of course." but once she turned away, he smirked. Sirius black did not tie down with any girl for a significant period of time, even one as special as Hestia. There were girls out there just wishing every night for him to kiss them once, and he would not disappoint. Hestia was just a filler. So what if he had stayed with her longer than he had with some of the other girls he had this year?

Hestia suddenly sat up, "Sirius, I have your christmas present."

Sirius stared, wide-eyed, "We had to give each other christmas presents?"

"No! Of course not!" She said, acting as if it was no big deal, "Not a big thing. We weren't, but I just wanted to give this to you." but she turned away, feeling tears pricking at her eyes. He hadn't gotten his own girlfriend a christmas present? She was sure he had gotten James one. She knew he wouldn't have gotten any of the other girls he had dated christmas presents: Lilian, Jane, Ariya, Francesca, Rain...but Hestia had thought she was different to him. She had thought this was real.

--

Present time: North Tower.

James and Sirius were walking aimlessly through the corridors, debating in whispers.

James growled, "She just won't pay attention to me, and whenever I try to convince her, she just thinks I'm joking!"

Sirius sighed, "If you want Lily, don't jump on her, just take it slow, let her become familiar with the idea."

James rolled his eyes, "Oh, yeah, says the guy who hasn't had a girlfriend since christmas of **last year**."

Sirius stopped in his tracks, and glared daggers at James, "Look, I may not have a girlfriend now, but it's by choice, mate. And after having girls end to end last year, I just need a break to be single."

James smirked, "Oh yeah, like you aren't wishing every second that Hestia'll forgive you, and maul you trying to kiss you."

Sirius snarled, "I. Do. Not. Like. Jones."

"Oh, really?" James raised an eyebrow, "Because you looked pretty upset when she blew you off at the quidditch match."

Sirius sighed, "Just let it go, ok, James? I don't like Hestia, and I'm finally maintaining a balance in my life. The last thing I need is a girl."

Just then Marlene came round the corner, and smacked into Sirius, the papers she was carrying falling out her arms.

She gasped, "Oh, Sirius, I'm so sorry!"

Sirius bent down to pick up her papers, "That's ok, Marlene. Here you are."

Marlene smiled, "Thanks, Sirius." impulsively, she swooped up, and pecked him on the cheek, her face blushing to the roots of her hair, and hurried off.

James watched her go, his eyebrows raised, "You know, I think there might actually be one girl left in this school who has a thing for you, Padfoot."

"Marlene?" Sirius wrinkled his nose in contemplation, "Nah. She's just a friend, and...I couldn't imagine being with her."

James shrugged, "Why not?"

Sirius shrugged right back, "I don't know...she's just...not my type of girl."

--

**hope you liked it, i know i took a while to update, I'll be updating soon...if you haven't already, please read my other finished fanfic, Because of Course, about Lily and James, and please review! look out for more updates and review!**


	3. He's My Soul Brother

Sirius walked through the corridor, humming a tune under his breath. He was off to oversee beater tryouts. He needed someone who was compatible with him, yet also worked well with the other members of the team. He sighed, and ran a hand through his immaculate hair. Everything was so...so...normal lately. Classes went on without a glitch, James was still forever trying to win Lily, Hestia still hated him with a fire equal to that of the fifth circle of hell, and the quidditch team was in perfect shape. He just...wanted something to go wrong, just so he would have something to amuse himself with. He wanted something unexpected to happen.

"Hello, brother." Regulus Black stepped in front of him, his dark hair in curtains, framing his thin, long face. His eyes, in the shadows, looked almost black and he was twirling a wand between the fingers of his left hand.

Sirius grimaced. Of course. He had asked for something unusual, and this is what they gave him. He backed away slowly, "I hope you're not thinking of cursing me, Regulus, because I could hex you into oblivion if you tried it."

Regulus sneered, and pocketed his wand, "No. Of course not." he stepped toward Sirius and reached out a hand, "I'm you're brother. Sirius, I'm here because I think we should resolve our differences and be the brothers we were meant to be. We're bound by blood."

Sirius eyed his hand like it was the plague, "You are no brother of mine. Blood counts for nothing." he turned to go away, but stopped and turned at Regulus's pleading, "So. I hear from Bellatrix that you are to be a death eater in a year."

Regulus narrowed his eyes, "Why were you talking to Bellatrix?"

"I wasn't." said Sirius firmly, with a touch of asperity, "She just came up to me and told me because apparently she thought I'd be just giddy about the news."

Regulus sighed, "I knew you wouldn't like it when you found out." he placed a hand on Sirius's shoulder, who threw it off as if it was something dirty, "Sirius, It's the right thing to do. These death eaters? They're just making the world a better place."

Sirius closed is eyes and threw his hands in the air, "You're hopeless, Regulus! Hopeless!" he moved closer to his brother, "How did they manage to brainwash you so well, Reg?"

Regulus bristled, "They didn't brainwash me! I know this is the right way to go. Sirius, you should just come home to me and mum and dad, and...just, come home...to your family."

Sirius laughed bitterly, "Look, you just don't get it, do you? I think all of you are evil and I hate your ideas and beliefs! You're not my family!"

Regulus clenched his jaw, "Yes, we are! Who do you think is your family? The Potters?" he asked incredulously, laughing derisively, "What a joke! They just think you're a charity case. I bet they just think you're a piece of mild interest."

Sirius's hands rolled into fists at his sides, "Shut up! They care about me like none of you ever will! You think you're doing good, but you don't understand these people you're killing! You're just a bunch of mindless, brainwashed idiots controlled by a guy who just uses you as puppets to do his bidding!"

"Do not talk of the Dark Lord in such a way!" roared Regulus.

Sirius smirked, "I see they've already got you spouting their propagandist idiocy. Someday, Regulus, I hope you find, not only the truth, and the right, but yourself." with that he turned to go.

"You know where you belong!" called Regulus after him, "With us! We're your family, your kin! The Potters don't need you! I bet they hate being hassled with a dirty orphan!"

But Sirius was not swayed. He continued, and slammed the door shut, blocking the light, leaving Regulus in the dark.

--

Marlene sighed, clutching her hand to her heart. Sirius had smiled, and brushed his hand against hers when he handed her her papers! She sighed once more, but this time not in happiness, but in humiliation. She was supposed to be strong! How could she, a strong, independant female, get so excited if a male, even an admittedly quite good-looking and sweet one, looked her way? She was ashamed. She was acting like a child.

"Hey, Marlene." James walked in and sat down next to her in the common room in front of the fire.

She smiled sadly, "Hey, James. What's up?"

He sighed, "Lily still hates me, and I need some advice on how to get her to take me seriously. I mean, even she admits that I'm much more mature this year, and we're friends, but she just sees me as just that. A friend. She thinks it's ludicrous that we ever go out."

Marlene narrowed her eyes, "Well have you actually asked her."

James looked away, and gulped, "Well, no, but I'm sure she doesn't think of me that way."

Marlene rolled her eyes, "I think that you shouldn't wallow in self-pity unless you're entirely sure that she doesn't like you. You don't know, you're just guessing. You still have some hope, James."

James smiled, "Thanks, Marlene. You really know a lot."

Marlene smiled secretively, "Yeah...well...I'm actually planning to ask someone if they truly don't like me today as well."

James grinned, "Oh yeah? Who?"

Marlene chewed her lip, "Well, I don't know."

James leaned in on the edge of his seat, "Come on, Mara! Tell me!"

She sighed and gave in, "Oh all right. But, James, you have to promise you won't tell anybody!"

James laughed, "Cross my heart. Now who's the mystery man?"

Marlene looked away, "Um...Sirius."

James nearly fell off his chair, "Sirius?!"

Marlene buried her face in her hands, "Yes, but James, you can't, can't tell anybody!"

"I won't." he said softly, touching her arm, "But, are you sure he's right for you?"

Marlene pressed her hands to her heart, "Yes. He's so wonderful and sweet, and smart, and he really cares about stuff, you know? He's all deep and..." she blushed, "and brooding when he leans over, his hair in his face."

James sighed, but attempted to hide his worry behind a smile, "So you like Paddy's hair, do you?"

Marlene chuckled, "Yes! It's so gorgeous, and soft, and dark."

James nodded, but looked distracted, "Yeah. Yeah, look, I'm sorry, Mara, but I have to go. You have good luck with that, ok?"

Marlene smiled, "Ok. Thanks for talking to me, James."

James stopped in midtrack, and turned slowly, a pitying expression on his face, "No. No, Mara. Thank **you**."

--

"Sirius!" James panted as he caught up to him, clutching his side.

Sirius turned and suppressed a grin at the comical image of James hopping pathetically over to him, trying not to keel over, "Hey, Prongs."

James had a pained look on his face, "I gotta tell you something, mate, but I'm not allowed to tell you."

Sirius sighed theatrically, "Well that kind of presents a problem, doesn't it, Prongs?"

James grinned slightly, "Well, I can give you hints and whoever told me not to tell you won't get mad because I didn't tell you, you figured it out for yourself."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Well if they didn't want you to tell me, then don't tell me."

"Sirius!" James clenched his teeth in frustration, "This is really important."

Sirius closed his eyes in contemplation, "Fine." he walked over to a bench on the side of the quidditch pitch, and James sat down beside him.

Sirius looked at him expectantly, "So what is this in regard to?"

"Well," James glanced to his left then to his right furtively, checking that no one overheard, "Someone has feelings for you. Intense, real, feelings."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. He was intruiged. No one had like him in a long time. "Oh really? Who?"

James deflated, "Well now, you...you have to guess."

Sirius threw up his hands, "James, why can't you just tell me?"

James shrugged, "I'm sorry, mate, but I promised."

Sirius growled, "Fine. Is it Hestia?"

James burst out laughing, "You so like her, mate. You are just wanting to believe any chance that she likes you."

Sirius snarled, "I. Do. Not. Like. Her! Is it..."

James held up a hand, "Before you go guessing everybody but this person, I'll give you some hints. She has black hair. She's best friends with Lily. She is extremely smart, and very sweet, and she has transfiguration with you."

Sirius stared at him, "Prongs, all of those describe Hestia."

James smacked his forehead, exasperated, "It's not Hestia! Who is the one other person who fits all of those hints? Think, now..."

Sirius kneaded his forehead, deep in thought. Suddenly he looked up at James, his eyes wide, "It's Marlene!"

"Yes!" James jumped up in excitement, "But, it's not really a good thing because she really really likes you and she's going to tell you today, and you said you didn't like her."

Sirius scratched his chin, "I don't know, she's nice enough, and pretty, but not in the conventional way. I guess I could like her. She's really sweet, and caring, and smart. I just...I don't really want to get back into all that. Last year having girl over girl was okay, but I like it better simpler without having to worry about getting a new girlfriend. I'm just...I'm afraid that if I go out with Marlene, I'll get back into that whole, needing a different girl every week thing."

James looked him in the eyes, "But, mate, what if this is the real thing? Maybe you won't want another girl the next week."

Sirius shrugged, "Well...it could be, but when I think of Marlene as my girlfriend, she's just kinda...my girlfriend. Not my love or my life. Just a girlfriend. Sure, I'd care about her, but not deep enough like that. And, I suppose she might be the real thing, but...I don't know if I want to take that risk. It's like...I finally got the willpower to abstain from having a girlfriend because once I get one girl I need more and more. What if it's the same with Marlene? I don't want to sink back into that."

James sighed, dejected, "Ah, well. Just...be gentle, mate."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, "I will. I would never dream of hurting her."

--

**hope you liked it so far! please read and review, and look for chapter four, coming soon!**


	4. Touch of the Velvet Hand

Remus stared at the hangings on his bed. Why was life so unfair? He wasn't...he **wasn't** gay. He just...felt something for Sirius. And on top of his confused feelings, he was burdened with the curse of being a werewolf. Did he deserve all this? Did he deserve to feel this miserable? But he also had wonderful friends. Did he deserve them? Maybe he did something wrong to deserve the werewolf and Sirius thing, but if he did, then shouldn't he not have such incredible friends? Did he deserve anything?

--

"Sirius!" Sirius turned to see Marlene running after him, her face flushed, and her long black braid swinging like a whip behind her.

He smiled sadly at her, "Hey, Marlene."

She grinned up at him, "I need to talk to you. Can we sit?" she gestured to the empty gryffindor table in the great hall.

He nodded silently, and dropped down on the bench next to her.

She took a deep breath, "Sirius, I need...I need to tell you that...that for...a while now, I've had these feelings."

Sirius pretended to look surprised, "Feelings?"

She nodded, not looking him in the eyes, "Yes. I think...well, I need to just say this. I think I might be in love with you."

Sirius jerked his head up in shock, and gulped nervously, "L-love?" he asked incredulously.

She bit her lip, "I'm sorry if I scared you, I just...I felt like I needed to tell you it, instead of keeping it bottled up."

Sirius gaped. She didn't just feel strongly for him. She...she seriously **loved** him. He looked up at her, and saw her eyes shining with a fear. What beautiful eyes, he thought. Big and brown and warm and chocolate-y. Her cheeks were flushed in anticipation, casting a gorgeous rosy glow on her face. Her hair was bound in a pretty, simple, shining braid hanging down her back. Maybe...just maybe... he took her hand in his. It was warm, and he loved the feel of her calluses. She was so **real**. All the girls he had gone out with last year had all been extremely good-looking, like plastic creations that just couldn't possibly be real. But Marlene was flawed, yet more beautiful than any one of them.

He gave a gentle tug on her hand and she was, in an instant, in his arms. He looked into her eyes once, counting the long, dark eyelashes framing her eyes, then bent down and kissed her softly. It was magical and wonderful. It turned into a kiss of want and need, desperation, urgency. He kissed her fiercely, pulling her as close to him as she would go.

They broke apart. Marlene gasped, regaining herself, "Sirius! I didn't know you felt that way."

He pulled her close until her head rested against his chest, "I didn't until now. I was...scared to let someone in, but...at the risk of sounding cliche, you're different."

She smiled, and her arms snaked around him, loving the feel of his body in her arms, "That's good to know."

After a moment, he pulled away, a frown adorning his face, "Don't...didn't you...have that boyfriend in London?"

A flash of panic crossed her eyes, but she waved her hand airily, "Oh, Sturgis? He broke up with me so long ago."

Satisfied, Sirius pulled her back into his embrace, her warm, real body pressed against his.

--

"Lily?" James came up behind the red-headed girl who was hunched over a table doing homework.

Lily jumped and turned around, a hand pressed to her heart, "James! Don't scare me like that!"

James smiled and sat down next to her, "Sorry, Lily, I just wanted to talk to you."

Lily rolled her eyes, "What is it, Potter? I haven't much time, I have to finish this essay." she suddenly jerked her gaze back to him, a flash of anger in her eyes, "You didn't enchant the suits of armor again?"

James sighed, "No. Nothing like that. I told you, I'm over all of that."

Lily raised an eyebrow speculatingly, "Oh, Really?"

James nodded firmly, "Yes. anyhow, I need to talk to you about something of a much more serious matter."

**--**

**OK, so usually when I'm writing a story I get this feeling where I have to write it all the time because it's just so exciting, and when I write it, the words just come so easily, but it's not like that for this one, and I'm also not getting many reviews for this...I only wrote this because lots of people liked Sirius in my last story, Because of Course, so I thought I'd write one focusing just on him, but...it's not working out so well...so please review and tell me if you think I should discontinue this story!**

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**from here on out this story is discontinued-please review what there was so far, and if you ever want to know what Sirius did to Hestia, send me a private message. Please, however, check out my other stories, two prime ones: Because of course: Lily/James, and To Touch is to Heal, To Hurt is to Steal: Lily/Scorpius**


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